So the next day I returned to the gym and decided that I would get on the treadmill for 30 minutes, with the following caveat. I was only going to run for 10 of them. I would walk for the first two minutes, and then increase my speed to a slow jog for the next one minute. Then I would do two more minutes of walking, then one more minute of jogging, and repeat this until I had done thirty minutes of exercise.

After a few days, I was able to walk for only one minute and run for two. Then I started walking for two minutes and running for five. And in addition to getting in better shape and feeling better, I learned a valuable lesson. No one can get from A to Z overnight in an exercise program.

And you will now ask what this has to do with improving a relationship with someone. I’ll start by saying that you cannot get from A to Z in relationship improvement either. So now I’m going to give you an example of a way I have been improving a relationship with someone at my job.

I have mentioned in previous posts that at my job, there are two departments that are always at odds with each other. My boss, whom I will call Laura, is the manager of Department A, and the other boss, whom I will call Erica, is in charge of Department B. I quickly realized that Laura and Erica had serious problems and that Erica found it easy to take them out on me because I worked for her arch nemesis.

Erica felt strongly that because I was the administrative assistant that I should bring the mail to her every day. It did not matter that she passed her own mailbox several times a day; she wanted me to bring her the mail. Laura, however, thought that Erica was mistreating me, so she said that under no circumstances would I bring Erica her mail.

As the weeks went on, their relationship became worse. They sent nasty e-mails to each other and never seemed to agree on even the simplest points.

I decided, mainly as an exercise, that I would try to improve my relationship with Erica and see if that would move itself over to Erica’s relationship with Laura. So for a few days, when both Erica and Laura were gone to a meeting, I took Erica’s mail and put it in her chair.

A few days later, I took Erica her mail while she was in her office, and I said, “Hello, how are you?” and smiled. She smiled back and said, “I’m fine, thanks. How are you?” Then I left the office. I repeated this for a few more days.

After a few weeks, I decided that when I took her the mail, I would try to have a longer discussion with her. So I walked into her office as usual, laid her mail down, and said, “I see you have a splint on your wrist. Did you hurt yourself?” She told me that she had been doing a lot of typing lately and that she had hurt her wrist in the process.

“There’s no sense in that!” I said. “I’m a fairly good typist. Let me do some of your typing for you. I like to take dictation.”

So far, she has not responded to that request, but I have noticed that our relationship has improved quite a bit over the last few weeks, and I feel it is because I started small with polite, short conversation, and worked my way up to more substantial conversation. It has made us both feel better about each other.

From this interaction, I conclude that relationships are a lot like muscles that we want to exercise. If we want the muscle to get stronger, we must start with small exercise and gradually take on more as the muscle gets stronger.

Two more Points

One other thing I will add, and this is VERY important, is that it is NOT okay to use this technique to manipulate people. If you really do not care about others, then it doesn’t matter how or to what extent you try to “improve” your relationship with them. People are smart, and will always sense a phony. Be genuine in your concern for others, and I believe you can improve any relationship.

The other important point about relationships is that it is important to foster them BEFORE you need them. Let’s say you’re looking for a job, and so you approach people and ask for their help. Chances are they will snub you because they feel like you’re just trying to use them. But what if you had been friends with them previously? What if you already knew them and then approached them to ask for their help? The chances that they would at least hear you out would be much greater.

Forming and improving relationships on any front - whether personal or business - is important to do BEFORE you need them and in a SINCERE manner. It is also important to remember to start small and work your way through the necessary beginnings of a relationship so that as it strengthens, you can enjoy the stronger relationship. Allow that time to pass, and you will find that any relationship can improve. Start out small, and work your way up, like you would with exercise or anything else.