When I first got out of college and entered the full-time workforce, I ignored my professors’ advice and gossiped happily, talking about all kinds of vicious things that they had said, done, or what they probably had said or done. I especially liked to talk about the people that I did not like, and I found that gossip was a way to keep friends together. We would stand around and commiserate about how some of the supervisors mistreated us or about how there were no opportunities at the company. What victims we convinced ourselves we were!

Then I moved in the opposite direction. I never gossiped. If I said anything about anyone, it was always good or neutral. Many business experts say that this is the best approach to take in the workplace. The problem is that I found myself saying things that were not true about others. I might say, “Oh, I’m sure this person really knows a lot about her job.” Or “I’d say he really does have the best interest of the company in mind.”

While this technique is probably superior to vicious gossip, I found that it left me feeling empty and stiff. I felt like a cold and unfeeling robot, like I could never say anything remotely negative about another person. I also found that I alienated many of my coworkers with this approach because I forced myself to embarrass them in front of others by disagreeing with their opinions. And worse, I felt like I was doing a disservice to the companies I worked for by taking up for those employees that I knew deep down were not making a real contribution to the company. So I had to come up with some solutions.

If you have the ear of your supervisor, you can tell her how you feel about other employees. I have found that this is best done in a private and casual situation. That way, no one can hear you saying negative things about others except your supervisor who has the power to change it. Also, casual situations are more relaxed, and supervisors feel more comfortable talking candidly. You and she can brainstorm ways to solve problems. And solutions should always be the priority.

If you do choose to talk about your coworkers, there are some things that are better to say than others. I have found some neutral ground in discussing the quirky but interesting aspects of coworkers while avoiding saying anything vicious about them.

For example, I have found it okay to say, “Did you see what she was wearing today?” While this is certainly not a very nice thing to say, it’s not particularly vicious either. You’re questioning your coworkers sense of fashion and saying that you disagree with it, but you’re not attacking your coworker as a person.

If you don’t feel comfortable talking about a coworker’s fashion, there are ways to find humor in even the dullest subjects. I have found I could get my coworkers to laugh into hysterics when making fun of what people have for lunch. You might try to make fun of a screensaver they have on their computers. Or where they’ve chosen to go on vacation. Anything to avoid saying something vicious about the employee.

You see, the point of gossip in this case is to have your cake and eat it too. In other words, you avoid saying anything that will truly hurt your coworkers’ feelings while also letting people know that you have a sense of humor and are not a prude.

Back when I engaged in what I call “vicious gossip,” one thing I loved to do was talk about what I thought my coworkers did or did not do. Avoid this at all cost. If you suspect your boss did not turn in a report, simply ask her. But don’t go behind her back and say, “I bet she didn’t turn in that report,” to gain sympathy from your coworkers. Instead, make fun of the way she worded a sentence in an email. You can always make sure your work gets done, but if you question another employee’s work, simply ask. You can have a quick confrontation, and that will save employee morale that would have suffered if you had engaged in vicious gossip.

One excellent contribution you can make to your company is to steer employees away from vicious gossip. There are some excellent techniques you can do to accomplish this that will leave your coworker feeling good about himself while also helping him avoid the devastating activity of gossip.

For example, let’s say Tom comes to you and talks about how “stupid” his boss Cathy is. The conversation might go something like this:

Tom: Cathy never does anything right. She always messes up reports.

You: I know how that is. My boss messes them up sometimes too, and I’ve messed up a few myself. I know it’s frustrating. Have you told her?

Tom: Are you kidding? It won’t do any good to talk to her. She never listens to anyone.

You: I understand. I’ve talked to her a few times when I felt like she wasn’t listening. Still, it might be good to at least let her know about what she did. She might appreciate it.

Tom: Well she really sucks at reports.

You: She’s probably not the best at reports, but she’s even worse at spelling. She’s almost as bad at it as I am.

You can see from this conversation that you’re steering Tom away from his vicious gossip about Cathy, but you’re also building his resentment for not being sympathetic. Tom will eventually learn that he’s not going to be able to get you on “his side,” but you might find he comes to you anyway because he likes the solutions you provide. Also, sometimes people just need to be “stroked” a little and told that they’re okay people.

You’ll notice that in the dialogue above, you agreed with some aspect of what Tom was saying so that he would not feel like he had to prove his case. (Basically that means that when you stop to breathe, he’s not going to interrupt you.) Then, you reminded him that no one is perfect and turned the humor toward yourself (which can build a lot of respect for people - a paradox, as most people try to build respect by making fun of others only to find that it backfires. Then you found some benign aspect of Cathy’s work to make fun of. That way Tom was satisfied, walked away feeling like he had vented, and probably learned something about how to express his frustration to Cathy in the future.

It’s very important in the workplace to get along with your coworkers because that builds employee morale and makes everyone more productive. While gossip can destroy a department or even a company, there are active roles you can play in your position to eliminate gossip from your immediate area of the company. As you refrain from vicious gossip while entertaining your coworkers with benign gossip, you will find that employees have more respect for you and everyone enjoys the workplace even more.